Casual promises of going on a diet, to switch jobs, to save more or to travel more or to live a fuller life… all are forgotten. Well, life is like that. Whatever one promises to it, it takes up the challenge and throws a googly, one after the other to keep one distracted. Today, a resolution has become a joke. It is like promising unrealistic things to self without really giving it much thought. One thinks of New Year resolutions as new hope or like a magic wand that has all the power to change things in a jiffy. No. There is no magic wand, and one learns this the hard way. But why does one fail? Why is one never able to keep their resolutions?
The answer is simple – one doesn’t really understand the meaning and the motive of a resolution. A resolution is a desire to change, to bring about a positive change. It is a promise to change something that has not worked in the past or has gone horribly wrong. It is to change something for the better. The real problem with resolutions today is that one is doing it to please others. It is being taken under pressure or to impress someone. More often than not, it is unrealistic. When promising these changes, one needs to think about ‘why these changes are required.’
Take, for example, the many social media posts that highlight actors and actresses’ lives. They term them as ‘goal worthy.’ But are they? Not really. What is the point of acquiring a figure or a relationship like a celebrity? It won’t make one famous like them. Why live under someone else’s shadow?
On the other hand, there are some people who wait for an event or an occasion or for some unfortunate incident to make changes in their lives. These are not goals. These are circumstantial changes. They are not from within. One fails to realize ‘why a change is required.’
Changes are like reviewing one’s self. It is a self-realization process, away from peer pressure or external influences. It is from within. If it is not then it will fizzle out or burst like a bubble. It will be a failure in one’s life.
Living the change
A change is about how one looks at their life – breaking it down from day to day, from moment to moment and not year-to-year. It is about chalking out one’s personal, social and professional life. It is about following a particular path – constantly reviewing it and realigning it when it is working in one’s favor. The end goal needs to be very specific. It should be a vision that will manifest into a positive result and be time bound. Without urgency, it won’t be achieved. Also, it should be realistic. Obsession won’t get one anywhere as it only puts undue pressure.
Passion for change
On the other hand, however much realistic it is, the passion for it cannot die down. It depends on how much one really wants that in their life. Every good habit has a science behind it. A good one should replace a bad habit and to acquire something as a good habit; it needs to be done for 21 days. Therefore, one needs to have patience.
Virtue of Patience
Once one has chalked out their game plan, one needs to have the patience and commitment to stick to it at least for 21 days. Post this; it will be seamless and inculcate as a habit. Remember, all good things take time.
Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation
Motivation – it should come from within. One should be the kind of person who can motivate himself or herself. It should be intrinsic as it will be self-rewarding. If it is extrinsic, it may not last longer. Why? Because then what next after the goal is achieved?
It also depends on the kind of motivation seeker one is. There are people who need external motivation, e.g. a mentor to keep pushing them to believe in themselves. And there are those who want to change to be a better person altogether. There is no wrong kind of motivation. However, it is best to identify what drives one internally. It is this achievement and drives from within that will make one pat themselves on the back! And, no there is no harm from getting an occasional pat from someone too! After all, we are human!
Long lasting goals
It has to be long-lasting and not temporary. Given one’s current lifestyle – with shorter attention spans, one becomes commitment phobic. Boredom seeps in easily and quickly. Therefore, to stick to the ‘plan’, one needs to be creative to keep boredom at bay. There should be no room for ‘giving up’.
